Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation.
Women
is
facing hard times Change the verb form
are
to
getting Change preposition
in
jobs
. Even, women
representation in Change noun form
women's
tech
jobs
just
around 20 per cent, which is a really small percentage. I suggest that the main Add a missing verb
is just
causes
is the Fix the agreement mistake
cause
job
requirements itself. However
, there is a way to solve this
problem by giving a chance to women
to work
in this
kind of jobs
.
As people can see, sometimes the Fix the agreement mistake
job
job
requirements are impossible to fulfill
for Change the spelling
fulfil
women
workers. In job
tech
, many tech
companies
require male workes
to fill in the position. They think that Correct your spelling
workers
women
is
not as strong as Change the verb form
are
man
to do the Fix the agreement mistake
men
jobs
and more
suitable for Add a missing verb
are more
man
. Fix the agreement mistake
men
For example
, one of job
Correct article usage
the job
vacancy
in XYZ (one of Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
tech
Add an article
the tech
companies
in Indonesia) that I found on LinkedIn was looking for a smart guy worker. If there is a female candidate, then
she must be single, and this
is such
a
Correct article usage
apply
discriminating
.
Our society can resolve Replace the word
discrimination
this
problem by open
wider opportunities for Replace the word
opening
women
to enter the tech
industry. This
solution can open many chances for women
to thrive and show their skills in tech
companies
. Then
, the good news is, it can breaks
the stigma that Change the verb form
break
women
do not fit in tech
industry, Add an article
the tech
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
women
can be an
Correct article usage
apply
expert
. Fix the agreement mistake
experts
For instance
, Unilever has a program that
called "WULF (Correct pronoun usage
apply
Women
in Engineering Unilever Leadership Fellowship" and this
is a special program for women
to work
in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) field
.
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
To sum up
, job
requirements become a main problem why women
can not work
in tech
companies
. Nevertheless
, by
giving chance to Change preposition
apply
women
to enter the industry, it
will enlarge the percentage of Correct pronoun usage
apply
women
who work
in tech
jobs
.Submitted by wishmeluck on
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task response
The essay tackles the task but would benefit from expanding on points made to provide a more comprehensive analysis. Consider discussing both cultural and educational challenges that might prevent women from entering tech jobs.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, further developing the arguments and linking ideas more cohesively would help. Use linking words and appropriate paragraphing.
task response
The essay identifies job requirements as a pivotal reason why women might be underrepresented in tech jobs. This is an insightful observation that addresses the task directly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the issue, and the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points while offering a potential solution, providing a well-rounded view of the problem.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...