IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts present the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 an employed adult spent on various tasks.
This
Linking Words
 includes data from 1958 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, working adults spent the highest percentage of their
time
Use synonyms
 working.
However
Linking Words
, in 1958, the lowest proportion was allotted to travelling to
work
Use synonyms
 and in 2008 it was going out with family or friends. In detail, in 1958, 33% of the
time
Use synonyms
 of employed adults was spent working and
this
Linking Words
 was followed by an adjacent 32% of their
time
Use synonyms
 sleeping.
Also
Linking Words
, a ratio of 19% of the
time
Use synonyms
 of working adults was done by going out with friends or family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, less than 10% of their
time
Use synonyms
 was allotted to relaxing at home at 8% which was four times lower than the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 working.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they spent 6% of their
time
Use synonyms
 doing other interests or playing sports, and
lastly
Linking Words
, the lowest proportion which was thrice lower than doing sports was travelling to
work
Use synonyms
 with only 2%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, after 50 years, adult employees still spend 42% of their
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 was again followed by sleeping with a quarter percentage. In comparison,
this
Linking Words
 year,
instead
Linking Words
 of going out with their families, 13% of their
time
Use synonyms
 was to relax at home. Equally, they spent their
time
Use synonyms
 doing other interests or playing sports and travelling to
work
Use synonyms
 at 8%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least
time
Use synonyms
 spent in 2008 was with their family or friends with only 6%.
Submitted by cng123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, work with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: