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Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #percentage #school #children #instruments #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The data shows the
number
 of
share
Replace the word
shared
show examples
kids
 learning to play four various
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
instruments
 in 2015, 2010 and 2005.
Overall
, the most striking
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 is the
number
 of
kids
 who learn
guitar
 and
Piano
.
Thorough
Correct your spelling
Throughout
show examples
 the period, it
is experiencing
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant
increas
Correct your spelling
increase
 compared to the least
two
instrument
Change to a plural noun
instruments
show examples
. The
last
two
instruments
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
drum and violin
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a decline in
number
 over the period.
It is clear that
guitar
 and
piano
 experienced a doubling in
number
thourough
Correct your spelling
through
thorough
 the periods. In 2015, the
number
 of
kids
 who
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 those
two
instruments
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 only around 10% with the
piano
 just
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 higher than
guitar
Correct article usage
the guitar
show examples
. There are almost double in
number
 in 2010 and 2015 for both of the
instruments
.
Although
 more
kids
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
guitar
Add an article
a guitar
the guitar
show examples
 that got the highest share in 2015 by over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40% and
piano
Correct article usage
the piano
show examples
slightly
Add a missing verb
was slightly
show examples
 lower. The
last
two
instruments
 are drum and violin. There were only 5% of
kids
 who
plays
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
drums
Change the article
the drums
show examples
 in 2005 and 2010,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there was
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 increase in 2010 around 10%.
On the other hand
, there was
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 decline for Violin
thorugh
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period, which started
only
Change preposition
at only
show examples
 around 10% in 2005 and ended up
only
Change preposition
at only
show examples
 about 5% in 2015.
Submitted by kkomariyah92 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, kids, instruments, guitar, piano, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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