IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the population size, birth rate and the death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#line #population #size #birth #rate #death #england #wales #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The provided graph presents data on the population size, rates of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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death and birth of Wales throughout a
300-year-period
Correct your spelling
300-year period
, from 1700 to 2000.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the death
rate
reduced
Add a missing verb
was reduced
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,
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
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rate
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 and the population size in 2000
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 7 times more than the one in 1700. As for the death
rate
, by the end of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
graph
Add a comma
graph,
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 there is a dramatic decline in it;
however
, unfortunately, it started in 1700 and
has
Unnecessary verb
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witnessed
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 serious surge in 1750 which stayed at the same value for about 50 years but
then
 dropped down to its original value in 1800. After
the
Remove the article
apply
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another
50 year
Add a hyphen
50-year
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 period, it diminished to exactly 20
million
 in 1950
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and kept
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same
rate
 until 2000. And
finally
,
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
initially
 was at the
rate
 of 30
million
 people and
nevertheless
, after some fluctuation, it flew to 35
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 but
then
 decreased to 25
million
 in 1950 and had a surge in 2000 to 35
million
.
Submitted by shermadovs on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "surge" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuations
  • stabilize
  • steep
  • advancements
  • notable
  • shift
  • norms
  • impact
  • critical factor
  • relatively stable
  • Industrial Revolution
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