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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the distribution of different income groups in cities and regional centres of Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the distribution of different income groups in cities and regional centres of Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph provides the distribution of different yearly
income
Use synonyms
 groups in
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional
centres
Use synonyms
 of Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, lower
middle
Use synonyms
 and
middle
Use synonyms
income
Use synonyms
 groups are the majority groups
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional
centres
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
,
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 are the minority in the
cities
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 are the minority in the regional
centres
Use synonyms
. In the
cities
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, most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 fall into the
middle
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income
Use synonyms
group
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 that earns $70,000 - $120,000 which is 35% of the total
population
Use synonyms
. Followed by
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
show examples
middle
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 that earns $40,000-$70,000 with 30% of the total
population
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 that earns $120,000 or more that
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of 20% of the total
population
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 that earns $40,000 or less with the remaining 15%. Meanwhile, in the regional
centres
Use synonyms
,
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
Use synonyms
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 hold the majority with around 35% of the total
population
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 with around 27%.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 with around 23%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 with the remaining 15%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, cities, centres, middle, group, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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