IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the Internet everyday from 2003-2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#percentage #adults #age #groups #uk #internet #information #features #comparisons
The given column graph illustrates the proportion of adults in
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 age ranges between 2003 and 2006 who
over used
Correct your spelling
overused
show examples
 the
Internet
 in their daily routines in Britain.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
first
 level had
execcesive
Correct your spelling
excessive
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
Internet
 and over 65 people had used the
Internet
. We
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
witness that the columns rose in all ages to use the
Internet
 over time. It is observed that the
first
 age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
, young adults, has had the most of using the
Internet
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 comparison with others. It was at
four- fifths
Correct your spelling
four-fifths
show examples
 of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 in both 2003 and 2004. Over one year, in 2005, it
peacked
Correct your spelling
peaked
packed
 to 100 per
cent
.
Although
 it decreased from 100 per
cent
 in 2006, its percentage was more than the
first
 year. In both 25-44 and 45-54, amount of users had gradually increased.
Younger
Add an article
The younger
show examples
 group began at 45 per
cent
 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80 per
cent
 from 2003 to 2006, respectively, and
senior
Add an article
the senior
show examples
 group started at 60 per
cent
 and
peacked
Correct your spelling
peaked
packed
 to 80 from during its time.
However
, 55-64 and
0ver
Correct your spelling
over
 65 had
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
, but they were
slowly
Change the word
slow
show examples
. The proportion of 55-64 started by a quarter, in 2003. It continued
increasely
Correct your spelling
increasingly
 in 2004 at just over 30 per
cent
.
Although
decended
Correct your spelling
descended
 a little
in2005
Correct your spelling
in 2005
, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
climed
Correct your spelling
climbed
claimed
 in 2006. In over 65, there were not any users in 2003. The users were added from 2004 to 2006.
Change preposition
At first
show examples
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
 they were at just over 1 per
cent
, but in 2006, they reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 per
cent
.
Submitted by mellika.sadeghi1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, first, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • adults
  • age groups
  • Internet
  • daily users
  • increase
  • significantly
  • highest
  • lowest
  • rise
  • contrast
  • smallest
  • followed closely by
What to do next:
Look at other essays: