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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below shows the native languages spoken by students at Bakersfield senior college in two separate years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below shows the native languages spoken by students at Bakersfield senior college in two separate years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.
#languages #students #bakersfield #college #two #years #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates the native
languages
Use synonyms
 spoken by students at Bakersfield
senior college
Correct your spelling
Senior College
show examples
 in two separate years,
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph shows four categories experienced different trends in the same period,
Despit
Correct your spelling
Despite
 that, these
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crystal clear that the language
Englinsh
Correct your spelling
English
 was the highest in both years and the lowest was the other
languages
Use synonyms
. As the chart gives information about native spoken, Urda
languages
Use synonyms
 were the second highest,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 science1990 was 28%
then
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1998 decreased
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 15%. Regarding Chinese students
it is
Verb problem
,
show examples
 both graphs were similar
science
Change preposition
in science
show examples
 1990 was 11%,
while
Linking Words
 in 1998 downwards
2
Change preposition
by 2
show examples
%.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the other
stu dents
Correct your spelling
students
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
 are the same number which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 just 6%.
By contrast
Linking Words
 the biggest percentage of course English
languages
Use synonyms
 in the
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
world use it
moreover
Linking Words
,
science
Change preposition
in science
show examples
 1990
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just 55% of students
speak
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 English.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 by 1998 increased about 20 %.9
Submitted by rihas89s on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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