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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risks
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Social media is becoming an essential part of our existence. Most of the
people
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 around the world use social networks daily and the amount of them are located in large countries, where individuals learn about one another through them. We can use them in order to find a job, new
people
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 around us, and some communications that are necessary for us.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we could share news with our friends, relatives, and other
people
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 that might be interested in them. Social media can be a platform where
people
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 can creatively express themselves to a wider audience.
This
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 can lead to opportunities for gaining money throughout a platform.
Nevertheless
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, system errors are not the only factors that may lead to dangers in our personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Human mistakes could
also
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 cause personal information to get leaked.
This
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 could be
due to
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 clumsy actions and decisions, or a lack of security within the system.
Moreover
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, most platforms require our personal information and details,
for example
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, government name, address, date of birth, and so on. Companies claim that they would not use
this
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 information to their benefit
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and that they are stored safely in the cloud. Despite that, it raises suspicions and questions about the integrity of the company. Especially, for the companies that had a security breach prior. In conclusion, the integrity and safety of online platforms' security are still questioned
due to
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 many incidents.
However
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, our careless actions could
also
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 result in the same consequences.
Submitted by fruitextract on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Detailed examples will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
Addresses the prompt well by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social media platforms
  • Connectivity
  • Self-expression
  • Creativity
  • Global communication
  • Instantaneous communication
  • Personal growth
  • Career advancement
  • Privacy concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Cyberbullying
  • Addiction
  • Productivity
  • Misinformation
  • Crisis
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