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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reportion the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reportion the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the proportions of British
students
Use synonyms
 at a university in England who were able to speak different languages rather than English in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, Spanish was widely used by
students
Use synonyms
 from both years given.
Secondly
Linking Words
, no other
language
Use synonyms
 users were significant in the first year
whereas
Linking Words
, German only was the lowest
language
Use synonyms
 used for speaking.
However
Linking Words
, in 2000, 30% of
students
Use synonyms
 were able to speak in Spanish, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in 2010, around 35% and 20% of
students
Use synonyms
 had no other
language
Use synonyms
 to use than English.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, decreased half of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 proportion and remained 10% in 2010.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 French and other
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
15
Change preposition
by 15
show examples
% of
students
Use synonyms
 in the first year and (20% - 10% respectively) in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the lowest
language
Use synonyms
 used in both years was German, approximately 10% in 2000 and 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, two other
language
Use synonyms
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 were 10% in 2000 and gradually increased
5
Change preposition
to 5
show examples
% which was
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
% in 2010.
Submitted by AL NURE FOYZUR REZA SUPRIO on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportions" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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