IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better to have many short holidays during the years. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer longer vacation. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #holidays #years #vacation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 often discuss that it is better to have many short holidays for
work
Use synonyms
breaks
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that having longer and fewer
vacations
Use synonyms
 is better for relaxation. I firmly believe that taking free days off from
work
Use synonyms
 is better. Because there is not enough
time
Use synonyms
 for distracting from
work
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that taking free days off from
work
Use synonyms
 for longer periods is better. Because there has to be more days for relaxation.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
, individuals find
work
Use synonyms
 exhausting. In spite of the situation, they prefer to have longer
vacations
Use synonyms
 to relax.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is a problem. After a long vacation when they get back to
work
Use synonyms
, they find it hard to concentrate on their jobs.
This
Linking Words
 problem is caused by not being able to go to
work
Use synonyms
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
. Because of
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 forget to do their job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
, having shorter
breaks
Use synonyms
 from the job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has more benefits to the person compared with long
breaks
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some individuals think that shorter
vacations
Use synonyms
 are great and enough for relaxation.
For example
Linking Words
, these kinds of
people
Use synonyms
 are happy with weekend
breaks
Use synonyms
. And they think it is not necessary to have longer
breaks
Use synonyms
. They prefer shorter
breaks
Use synonyms
 because they can relax and do their other tasks in a short amount of
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that having longer holidays is better for staying away from problems.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that shorter holidays are enough for everything.
However
Linking Words
, my view is that shorter
vacations
Use synonyms
 are better because there is not a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 for distraction from
work
Use synonyms
 and in spite of
this
Linking Words
 it is better for success in job life.
Submitted by mcqueensever on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task response, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay feel more grounded and illustrative.
task achievement
Ensure that you address both views equally to fully satisfy the discussion aspect of the task. You discuss both views, but some points lack depth.
coherence cohesion
Add some transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve logical flow, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the main ideas in each paragraph to improve clarity and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outline and summarize the main points of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure, addressing both sides of the argument, which is essential for task achievement and coherence.
task achievement
Your language and vocabulary are generally clear and appropriate for the task, which helps convey your ideas effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: