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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph shows the percentage of women working in 6 countries in 1960, 1970 and 1980. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting on th e main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The provided bar chart depicts how many hours women
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 in 6 different countries ; UK , USA , Canada , Japan and Germany in the years 1970 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
 , it is evident that In 2005 women worked more hours particularly those in Canada.
However
Linking Words
, only Japan showed
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 proportion of changes.
To begin
Linking Words
 , In the United Kingdom
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of female workers was
at
Change preposition
apply
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35% in 1970 in comparison with 2005
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 touched the vertex at 60%. Moving to the USA at 40% in 1970 and almost 60% in the year 2005.
Conversely
Linking Words
 , the most significant figure was
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Canada
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged during all these years from 60% to 60% , respectively.
Thereafter
Linking Words
 in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 women's working hours
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the
most smaller
Correct word choice
smallest
show examples
 proportion accounting
20
Change preposition
for 20
show examples
% and
then
Linking Words
 by 2005 it saw an improvement
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40%.The figure for Germany almost saw the same proportion with 50% in 1970 and more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 half in 2005.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • percentage
  • decade
  • increase/decrease
  • compare/contrast
  • significant
  • socio-economic factors
  • progressive
  • minimal changes
  • hypothesize
  • global developments
  • regional developments
  • influence
  • trend analysis
  • workforce participation
  • historical context
  • labor market
  • gender gap
  • employment policies
  • cultural norms
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