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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the facilities of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the facilities of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #staff #members #facilities #university #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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THE BAR GRAPH COMPARES GENDERS' ACADEMIC STAFF PERCENTAGES IN FACULTIES IN 2012.
OVERALL
Linking Words
,
IT IS CLEAR THAT
Linking Words
ENGINNERING
Correct your spelling
ENGINEERING
 WAS THE MOST POPULAR AMONG
MALES
Use synonyms
,
WHILE
Linking Words
 THAT OF WAS THE LEAST
PREFFERED
Correct your spelling
PREFERRED
 AMONG
FEMALES
Use synonyms
 AND THE OPPOSITE TREND WAS TRUE FOR EDUCATION. LOOKING INTO MORE DETAILS, ENGINEERING WAS BY FAR THE MOST POPULAR
BETWEEN
Change preposition
AMONG
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 ALL FACULTIES APPROXIMATELY
AT
Change preposition
apply
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85%
WHILE
Linking Words
FEMALES
Use synonyms
WAS
Correct subject-verb agreement
WERE
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 WELL BELOW
AT
Change preposition
apply
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20%. FIGURES
OF
Change preposition
FOR
show examples
MALES
Use synonyms
 WERE THE SAME IN BOTH
SCIENDE
Correct your spelling
SCIENCE
 AND BUSINESS SLIGHTLY ABOVE
AT
Change preposition
apply
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60%,
WHILE
Linking Words
THAT
Correct determiner usage
THOSE
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OF
Change preposition
FOR
show examples
FEMALES
Use synonyms
 WERE THE SAME APPROXIMATELY BEING AT 38%. TURNING TO OTHER FACULTIES, PERCENTAGES FOR BOTH GENDERS WERE THE SAME AT 50%. THE RATIO OF EDUCATION FOR
MALES
Use synonyms
WERE
Change the verb form
WAS
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 THE LEAST FAVORED AMONG OTHER CATEGORIES NEARLY AT 22%,
WHILE
Linking Words
AN
Correct article usage
THE
show examples
 OPPOSITE TREND WAS TRUE FOR
FEMALES
Use synonyms
. FEMALE MEMBERS OF ARTS WERE MORE THAN HALF AND THAT OF
MALES
Use synonyms
 WERE LESS THAN.
Submitted by afaaslanova07 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • faculty
  • academic staff
  • proportion
  • disparity
  • trends
  • significance
  • broader societal trends
  • gender equality
  • university environment
  • implications
  • predominantly
  • minority
  • skewed
  • equal representation
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