IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job the want.Others feel that men and women are not equal and therfore there are certaib jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

#people #men #women #job #want #therfore #certaib #jobs
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Nowadays,some changes in
life styles
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lifestyles
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 and
society
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 lead to
change
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changes
show examples
beliefs
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in beliefs
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.These changes
apear
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appear
some
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in some
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 arguments about
role
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the role
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 in
society
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.Some people think that
men
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 and
women
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 are equal and all of them can do anything and have any job,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 Idea and they claim there are some conditions in certain
jobs
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 that
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 suitable for
women
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 .In
this
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 essay ,I will look at both sides of the argument and give my opinion. Let
begin
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us begin
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 by looking at the Idea that
believs
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believes
believe
 they are equal in
society
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.These days there are many reasons that change
mindes
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minds
show examples
 and beliefs that cause
of
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apply
show examples
this
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 idea.They could believe there are not any
different
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differences
show examples
 between
men
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 and
women
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 and both of them should have equal
salary
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salaries
show examples
 in
society
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.
In other words
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,
women
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 need more notice in
society
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 in some cases
such
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 as
jobs
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 and salary and so on.
On the other hand
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 ,
group
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a group
show examples
 of people claim there are some conditions in some
jobs
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 that
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 suitable for
women
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particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
 activity
jobs
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.Take construction workers as an example.As you know in
this
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 case there are some
situation
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situations
show examples
 that
women
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 can not
easly
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easily
 handle
it
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apply
show examples
and
this
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 job is inappropriate for them.
Whats
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What's
show examples
 more,some activity
jobs
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need
Verb problem
require
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 more trouble that not suitable for
women
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. In conclusion,
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Although
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apply
show examples
there are some
situation
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situations
show examples
 and
condition
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conditions
show examples
 that convert
work place
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the workplace
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to
Change preposition
into
show examples
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 place for
men
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.I
beliove
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believe
 there are not any
different
Replace the word
differences
show examples
 between
men
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 and
women
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 and
women
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.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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 I think we should
creat
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create
show examples
Correct article usage
an appropriete
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appropriete envirement
Correct your spelling
appropriate environment
 to attend of
women
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 in any
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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task achievement
Ensure your main points are consistently supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
Proofreading can help catch simple typing and grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
Expand on specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly provides an introduction that outlines the two opinions and provides the writer's stance.
task achievement
Good attempt at a balanced discussion exploring both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
A clear conclusion offers personal opinion and solution.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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