IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
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The bar chart presents the proportion of expenses spent per category.
This
Linking Words
 includes various age groups of people residing in the UK in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest consumption of food and drinks is from 76
years
Use synonyms
 old and above,
while
Linking Words
 citizens under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old spend money on restaurants and hotels.
Lastly
Linking Words
, aged 61-75 allocate their funds for entertainment. In detail, in 2004, there was an inclination in food and drink expenses for those under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old by more than 5%, which almost doubled for
ages
Use synonyms
 31-45
years
Use synonyms
 old and nearly tripled for
ages
Use synonyms
 46-60 in the UK.
Additionally
Linking Words
, 20% of the funds of 61-75-year-old residents were allotted for food and drink,
finally
Linking Words
, about 3% higher were from residents aged 76 and above. Money spent on restaurants and hotels was highest for
ages
Use synonyms
 below 30 which was nearly 15%. It decreased until aged 61-75
years
Use synonyms
 old with less than a fifth.
However
Linking Words
, it went up to approximately 8% for those aged 76+.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the age range with the highest expenditures for entertainment was 61-75-year-old residents at roughly 23% which has about a 10% difference from
ages
Use synonyms
 46-60 and about three times less than the lowest proportion at about 7% in
ages
Use synonyms
 under 30.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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