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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.
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The charts illustrate the
electricity
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generation
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 in 2009 by
France
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 and
Germany
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, measured in a billion kWh. Generally, it is evident that
while
Linking Words
 the main
electricity
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 resource of
Germany
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 is conventional thermal,
France
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 mostly uses nuclear.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
generation
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 capacity in
Germany
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 is equal to 560 billion kWh, and 59.6
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per cent
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percent
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 of bulk is conventional thermal,
while
Linking Words
 the nuclear and renewable are identical to 23 and 17.4
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per cent
show examples
percent
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 respectively.
According to
Linking Words
 the second chart of renewable
generation
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 types, biomass, and wind
energy
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 are the most usable directions,39.3 and 36.9
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per cent
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percent
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,
while
Linking Words
 the
hydro electrical
Correct your spelling
hydroelectrical
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type has an average usage and solar
energy
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 gaining way is not being developed anyhow. Moving on to statistics of
France
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, Nuclear
energy
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 consists
three fourth
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three-fourths
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 of the
overall
Linking Words
 mass of
electricity
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. In comparison with German statistics, conventional thermal type is far less developed in
France
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 10.3
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per cent
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percent
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, and renewables are closely the same average. The second pie chart of
France
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 shows the most usable types of renewable
energy
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, and the most developed one is hydroelectric, which is equal to 80.5
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per cent
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percent
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, and
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
Germany
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,
France
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 uses solar types of
electricity
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generation
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. In conclusion, both countries are being developed in their own way, and differ from each other.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, generation, france, germany, percent, energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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