IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart given presents the percentage of regular physical exercises that were done by Australian men and women of different ages in 2010. There is a link in the graph, but it is not consistent. More than 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of females aged 15 to 24 do
regular
Add an article
a regular
the regular
show examples
 activity, and
this
Linking Words
 number keeps on rising and reaches above 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 35 to 64, and
then
Linking Words
 it decreases to approximately 47
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
age
Use synonyms
 over 64. For the male, it can be seen that there is a downline in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 64, from above 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to approximately 49
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 it is followed by an upline from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45 to above 64 in the number above 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see the correlation between the two lines that as the number
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
 increases, the males decrease, and vice versa, but there is an inconsistency in the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 where the two of them rise together.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words percent, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: