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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons for stress at the workplace? What can employers do to make their employees’ life easier?

#people #work #hours #stress #workplace #employers #employees’ #life
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These days ,
people
 who are working longer are struggling with a
lot
 of stress regarding their workplace. In
this
 essay, l will share the main reasons for it and practical solutions about how to enhance it . one of the main reasons behind
this
 is the negative environment that these
people
 spend a
lot
 of time on there .In
such
 an environment
people
instead
 of focusing on themself to enhance their ability to upward mobility , follow the distractions that are available around them , which not only leads to reduced efficiency but
also
 significantly distros their attention to the tiny things that create a
lot
 of stress for them .
Moreover
, it diminishes their confidence when they notice that their knowledge is not useful enough for them . Let's consider a young worker in a new environment , when he notices that their efforts will not be recognized
instead
 of working hard , he feels that he did good enough in
this
 field and a strong sense of disappointment surrounds him . one of the most practical and useful approaches is trying to prepare a
lot
 of plans in order to help them to be more relaxed .
for example
, by offering a new class for them to teach these
people
 how to manage their concerns particularly when they find themselves in the middle of tough times . they will be more powerful to cover conditions .
Additionally
 , the importance of education should not be overlooked, if we are really serious about current conditions . And the biggest example would be providing a
lot
 of online courses about the harmful aspects of these stresses and checking their well-being should be considered as the main goals of these plans . In conclusion , stress is one of the common parts of our lives and the best way to address it is by implementing multiple approaches to ensure that we can control it .
Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear central idea and that the essay transitions smoothly between points. This will improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate the main points. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your response.
task achievement
Some parts of the essay can be more concisely expressed, improving clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question, identifying causes of workplace stress and suggesting solutions for employers to ease stress among employees.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and help to frame the essay.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to explore complex ideas, such as the impact of a negative work environment on employee stress and productivity.
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