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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #percentage #greenhouse #gas #emissions
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There are two pie graphs related to each other, the first graph talks about the uses of
energy
Use synonyms
thet
Correct your spelling
that
Austalian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 families consume,
while
Linking Words
 the other one is about the
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
Use synonyms
come
Correct pronoun usage
that come
show examples
 from the
energy
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, Heating is the main used
energy
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 in
Australian
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 homes,
while
Linking Words
 the biggest result of
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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 is water heating.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the first graph, heating at 42 per cent, which is considered almost half of the whole
percentage
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 of all uses of
energy
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 used by
Australian
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 households. Water heating records 30 per cent, and other applications
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 less used by half of
this
Linking Words
percentage
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. Refrigeration, lighting and cooling do not
surpasse
Correct your spelling
surpass
surpassed
 10 per cent of
energy
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 used by
Australian
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 residents. To complete the second graph, heating and refrigeration both record
Use synonyms
percentage
Change to a plural noun
percentages
show examples
 equalize half of water heating and other applications
percentage
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, which have 32% and 28% of
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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 result from the
energy
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 used by
Australian
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 families, respectively. Lighting
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 8% of the result,
whereas
Linking Words
 cooling has a 3% of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions, australian, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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