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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

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The chart illustrates the percentage of fruits and vegetables eaten in 5 or more servings by different age groups of men and women in the UK in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, 55-64
aged
Correct word choice
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There may be an adjective issue here.

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people consumed the largest number of these two products
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 in youngest 19-24 group observed the lowest
results
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, almost in all ages men showed lesser
results
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 than females. Starting with males, in the 56-64 class, there was the biggest consumption at more than 30%
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the youngsters showed only 15%. Observation of 25-34, 36-44 and 45-54 classifications were similar, 20% and a bit more.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the
results
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of 65-74 males were higher than 25%, after 74 it decreased to 20%. Regarding females, there were noticed considerably greater differences than men.
Similarly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, with males, women achieved their pick in eating fruits and vegetables in their 55-64 years at nearly 35%. 17% of 19-24 girls consumed
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 food and showed the lowest
results
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. 25-34, 36-44 and 45-54 adults were in the middle of ranking 23%, 25% and 27% respectively. An average of older ladies stopped consuming more than 5 portions of fruit and veggies after their seventies, and 20% of elderlies ate them.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words results with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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