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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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These bar charts illustrate the proportional changes in
number
Add an article
the number
a number
show examples
 of Australian people who lived in various
areas
Use synonyms
, including
cities
Use synonyms
, rural
areas
Use synonyms
, and towns from 1995 to 2010, who were born inside or outside Australia,
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph clearly shows that
cities
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentages of Australians living in them over the years.
Additionally
Linking Words
, rural
areas
Use synonyms
 housed a moderate proportion of Australian individuals in 1995,
this
Linking Words
 rate had a significant decrease in 2010. In terms of Australians born in Australia, there was a slight rise in the percentage of people living in
cities
Use synonyms
,
increased
Correct pronoun usage
which increased
show examples
 by nearly 15% from 1995 to 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and towns experienced a decline
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 approximately 12% and 2%, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the Australians born outside Australia mostly lived in
cities
Use synonyms
, as a quarter was the increase percentage in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, there was a substantial drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 people rate who lived in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, with a decrease of around one-third.
Lastly
Linking Words
, towns did not witness a significant change, as the proportion increased by almost 2%.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words areas, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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