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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. Describe the information presented below. Comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
#hours #work #week #people #categories #information #results #men #women
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The bar chart illustrates information about the average
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid work per week done by individuals in different categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that married
women
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 higher
hours
Use synonyms
 than married men. Looking first at the average
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid work per week done by married without
children
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
 who
married
Add a missing verb
are married
show examples
 and do not have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 stand at 30, which is higher than men in the same categories.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the figure for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 without
kids
Use synonyms
 is exactly the same as men with 1-2
kids
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the average
hours
Use synonyms
 of unpaid work per week done by married with
children
Use synonyms
.
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 with at least 3
children
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 so far the highest
hours
Use synonyms
 at 60, which is
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
 higher than the figure for
women
Use synonyms
 who have 1-2
kids
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of males with 3
kids
Use synonyms
 and over is the lowest
hours
Use synonyms
 at under 20,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is almost 3 times lower than
women
Use synonyms
 in the same situation.
Submitted by t.shetthong on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women, children, kids with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unpaid work
  • Household chores
  • Gender roles
  • Disparity
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural norms
  • Full-time housewives
  • Part-time jobs
  • Traditional responsibilities
  • Domestic roles
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