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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016.the table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.

the chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016.the table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.
#value #country #exports #categories #percentage #change #category
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The bar chart
illustration
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illustrates
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about
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apply
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data on the percentage of Australian
men
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 and
women
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 across various
age
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groups
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 who participated in regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
women
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 were more physically active than
men
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 in most
age
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groups
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, except for the youngest
group
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 15 to 24 years. The highest participation rate for
men
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is observe
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is observed
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 in the 15 to 24
age
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group
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,
while
Linking Words
women
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has
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have
show examples
 their peak in the 45 to 54
age
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group
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. Looking at the details, 52.8% of
men
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 aged 15 to 24 engaged in regular exercise, compared to 47.7% of
women
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.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend reverses in the 25 to 34
group
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, where 48.9% of
women
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 were active, higher than the 42.2% of
men
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. The gap widens in the 35 to 44
age
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group
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, with 52.5% of
women
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 exercising regularly compared to only 39.5% of
men
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. The 45 to 54 and 55 to 64
groups
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 show similar patterns, with female participation at 53.3% and 53%, respectively, exceeding the male rates of 43.1% and 45.1%. In the oldest
group
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 (65 and over), the percentages were nearly equal, with
men
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 at 46.7% and
women
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 at 47.1%. In summary,
women
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 were generally more consistent in their levels of physical activity across all
age
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groups
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,
while
Linking Words
men
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 showed a notable decline in participation after the youngest
age
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group
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, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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wasn't expected.
This
Linking Words
 trend shows the importance of focusing on both genders' activity patterns.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, groups, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • export value
  • trend analysis
  • anomalies
  • percentage change
  • sector analysis
  • global demand
  • domestic production
  • economic conditions
  • technological advancements
  • international regulations
  • economic growth
  • trade relations
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