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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The data represents the places where
dance
Use synonyms
 classes are held and different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of class categories,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 younger generation of a township in Australia are participating nowadays.
Overall
Linking Words
, a large
group
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers are attending classes in private studios,
while
Linking Words
 a minimum of them are going to a college-based studio. The majority of children under 11
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 chosen ballet
dance
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the modern type is the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 type of the age
group
Use synonyms
 11-16. Private studios account for the predominant share of the total, with just under half.
Conversely
Linking Words
, college-based studios have a minimal percentage of students at 10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, school halls (after-school) and community halls &
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 comprise 24% and 18% of youth, respectively. The ballet
dance
Use synonyms
 is more popular among the age
group
Use synonyms
 under 11 years, numbering at over 600,
while
Linking Words
 nearly half of that number is in
other
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
group
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the modern type has the exact opposite trend
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, which is over 500
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
from the
group
Use synonyms
 between 11 and 16 years, and 300 students are under 11 years
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the tap
dance
Use synonyms
 class has over 800 participants, contributing equally from both age groups.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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