IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #work #people #children #lives
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In recent years, a lot of
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of families have moved overseas to look for
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Opinions differ regarding whether or not their
lives
 will be more difficult through
this
,
While
 critics insist that
children
 can be influenced when their families move overseas for
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
, I personally disagree with
assertion
Correct determiner usage
this assertion
show examples
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. On the one hand, there are major reasons why
children
 would grow well by moving abroad.
Firstly
, they can become
biligual
Correct your spelling
bilingual
. To explain,
children
's
acqusition
Correct your spelling
acquisition
 abilities are better than
adult's
Fix the agreement mistake
adults'
show examples
acqusition
Correct your spelling
acquisition
 abilities.
Therefore
, they quickly acquire
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
langauage
Correct your spelling
language
 if they study
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
.
In addition
, they will be able to speak
second
Add an article
a second
show examples
 language with their friends when they hang out with their friends, which makes them
biligual
Correct your spelling
bilingual
.
As a result
, they can get a better job opportunity
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 a lot of businesses prefer bilingual employees.
On the other hand
, there are two reasons why it is likely that their
lives
 are difficult through moving abroad.
Firstly
, they feel alone
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
overseas
Correct pronoun usage
their overseas
show examples
lives
. To illustrate, they lack connection with new friends and neighbours because it is hard to adapt culture and awareness that they live abroad, which makes them feel alone. For
these reason
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
, they suffer from serious mental diseases
such
 as melancholia.
Secondly
, moving abroad is spent
nurmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
numerous
 money. they spend a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 several things
such
 as
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 home, car,
eletronic
Correct your spelling
electronics
, visa and immigration fees, TV and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, which leads to insecurity with a family's budget. In conclusion,
while
 it is undeniable that moving abroad for work
havd
Correct your spelling
has
 a positive effect on
children
,
it is clear that
 it makes their
lives
 hard.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purpose. Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly indicate your position and use consistent language throughout.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument. The logic of moving from one point to another could be better structured, especially in explaining each side of the argument.
relevant specific examples
Use supporting details that are more specific and related to personal experience or known examples, expanding on the points to create a more compelling argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Refine the expression of your ideas to improve clarity. Some sentences are unclear, and language accuracy could be improved by avoiding minor errors in spelling and grammar.
complete response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced exploration of the topic.
supported main points
Each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to the topic, ensuring the content is focused and relevant.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively opens with a broad topic and narrows down to more specific arguments, which is a good structure approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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