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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The charts Illustrate information on the location and types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 in a town in Australia are currently attending .
overall
Linking Words
, the highest
assuming
Wrong verb form
assumed
show examples
locatian
Correct your spelling
location
 of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 is private students which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 48%
however
Linking Words
,the lowest accessible location is
College-basad
Correct your spelling
College-based
 studios which is 10% .
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the ballet types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 under 11 is highest which is 600 in
number
Use synonyms
 and lowest is
modern
Add an article
a modern
the modern
show examples
 type of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 under 11 is 300 in
number
Use synonyms
.
furthermore
Linking Words
,the highest modern type of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 by
11
Correct article usage
the 11
show examples
 to 16
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is 500 in
number
Use synonyms
.
whereas
Linking Words
,the lowest ballet type of
classes
Use synonyms
 by 11 to 16 is 300 in
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
. It is quite evident
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
foom
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the chart of
Location
Fix the agreement mistake
Locations
show examples
 of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, that the most
classes
Use synonyms
 are held in private studios
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 48%
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
18% Class are held in community halls as well
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the
classes
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
are
ase
Correct your spelling
are
also
Linking Words
 taken in school halls (after school
classes
Use synonyms
) is 24%
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
rarely
Change the adverb
rare
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
 are held in
Use synonyms
classes are held in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
college based studios which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 10%
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the highest
ballet
Correct quantifier usage
number of ballet
show examples
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 11
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 600 and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
11
Correct article usage
the 11
show examples
 to 16
age
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 is 400 in
number
Use synonyms
.
futuermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,the lowest
modern
Correct quantifier usage
number of modern
show examples
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 11
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 300 in numbers.
wheareas
Correct your spelling
whereas
,the highest modern
classes
Use synonyms
 by 11 to 15
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 520 in numbers.
Submitted by nidaarif866 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, number, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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