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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #water #purpose #six #areas #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts provide key information about various reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using water in
sex
Correct your spelling
six
show examples
 different countries in the world. The units are measured by percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that Agricultural
Use
Use synonyms
 is demonstrating most
areas
Use synonyms
 by a high percentage.
In addition
Linking Words
, Industrial
Use
Use synonyms
 takes
a
Change preposition
up a
show examples
huge amount of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
water In both North
America
Use synonyms
 and Europe,
whereas
Linking Words
 Domestic
are
Verb problem
use is
show examples
 the
lower
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 purpose for most countries.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, Agricultural is equal to
mare
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 than three quarters for most
areas
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, South East Asia
use
Use synonyms
 is 81% and Africa
use
Use synonyms
 is 84%.
In addition
Linking Words
 it
almost
Add a missing verb
is almost
show examples
 near
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
90% in Central Asia by 88%.
However
Linking Words
, the
dramaticlly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 reduced under the
averge
Correct your spelling
average
 in two
areas
Use synonyms
 of North
America
Use synonyms
 by 39% and Europe by 32%. In terms of Industrial and Domestic, Industrial
are having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 that Agricultural
Use
Use synonyms
 is demonstrated in, but in North
Use synonyms
America
Add a comma
America,
show examples
 it has near
fro
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 half by 2%, and above
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
half by 3% in Europe.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Domestic
Use
Use synonyms
 is low in most
areas
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Central Asia by 7%,
although
Linking Words
, the highest percentage was in South
America
Use synonyms
 by 19%.
Submitted by abdallah550603 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words use, areas, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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