IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Write at least 150 word

the charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Write at least 150 word
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries #word
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The bar charts provide key information related to details for the percentages
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 get on 60-64
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 been working, in 1970
besides
Linking Words
 2000, in different countries including Belgium,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, Japan and Australia. The
unite
Replace the word
unit
show examples
Add a missing verb
is use
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use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 in measure ratio.
Overall
Linking Words
, it’s clear from
graph
Add an article
the graph
show examples
 that, the fractions of men were the highest across the specified 2
years
Use synonyms
, especially in 1970 the number of employed men were
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeded
show examples
 in 2000.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the women were the lower through the two
years
Use synonyms
.
Clearly
Add a comma
Clearly,
show examples
 the men in Japan had a noticeable highest
represent
Wrong verb form
representing
show examples
 76% in 1970 after 30
years
Use synonyms
 rose to
made
Change the verb
make
show examples
 up 84%,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 Australia had a significant change in both
years
Use synonyms
, which was
account
Wrong verb form
accounted
show examples
 for 74% in 1970, had a noticeable decrease in 2000 to be the half, followed by USA. In Belgium had
stared
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 nearly 80%, surprisingly in 200f drop to the quarter. In terms of women,
obviously
Add a comma
obviously,
show examples
 in Japan and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
State
Add a comma
State,
show examples
 the distribution was almost similar to each
other’s
Change the noun form
others
other
show examples
 with
slightly
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
 increasing in
Jaban
Correct your spelling
Japan
. followed By Australia.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in Belgium.
Submitted by reemabdullah395 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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