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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Two charts below show the percentage of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Two charts below show the percentage of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #percentage #graduates #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two pie charts display the distribution of qualified graduates in one country based on their
degree
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and 2008. Comparing between 1980 and 2008,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of masters in
science
Use synonyms
 and in
arts
Use synonyms
 are relatively consistent at 29% and 13% respectively. Meanwhile, the portion of PhD in
science
Use synonyms
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
show examples
 experienced a sharp growth from 13% to 30% and became the majority in 2008. The ratio of doctors in
arts
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 increased by 5% during 28 years.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of bachelors in
arts
Use synonyms
 and in
science
Use synonyms
 dropped significantly. In 1980, the holders of master in
Use synonyms
science
Capitalize word
Science
show examples
 and bachelor in
Use synonyms
arts
Capitalize word
Arts
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 became dominant among the others, which were
appoximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a quarter for each. The percentages were followed by
first
Add a hyphen
first-degree
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 in
science
Use synonyms
 graduates at 19%, doctors in
science
Use synonyms
 at 13%, and masters in
arts
Use synonyms
 at 12%. It made the ratio of PhD in
arts
Use synonyms
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
show examples
became
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the smallest population, which was only at 2%. 28 years passed,
trends
Correct word choice
and trends
show examples
 changed.
While
Linking Words
 the MSc holders remained dominant compared to the others, the distribution of PhD in
science
Use synonyms
 graduates went upward and became the most common at nearly a third. The ratio of doctors in
arts
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed a significant increase, even though they stayed the least popular. On the other side, the portion of first
degree
Use synonyms
 in
arts
Use synonyms
, first
degree
Use synonyms
 in
science
Use synonyms
, and master in
arts
Use synonyms
 holders were at similar numbers,
totaled
Change the spelling
totalled
show examples
 in 35%.
Submitted by lyakomarudin on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words degree, science, arts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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