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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table shows the cost of water in 5 cities in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The table shows the cost of water in 5 cities in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
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I am summarising the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 in 5 cities in Australia. The
cost
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 is very different in different cities. The
cost
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 of
water
Use synonyms
 in Sydney is $ 0.98 per kiloliter (up to 125KL), which is more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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double
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 in Adelaide or Perth.
Besides
Linking Words
, 3 out of 5 cities charged more when the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 is over 125
KL
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Melbourne and
Syney
Correct your spelling
Sydney
remains
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 the same.
For example
Linking Words
, Perth charges $0.42 per kiloliter when the
usage
Use synonyms
 is up to 125KL
while
Linking Words
 charges $1.50 per kiloliter
while
Linking Words
 the
usage
Use synonyms
 is over 125KL. The difference in the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 is more than 200%
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
show examples
 when the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 is over 125
KL
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the city that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 the most
water
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, which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the highest average bill per
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
 of $ 332 is Perth. The result shows that the pricing strategy does not work in reducing the
useage
Correct your spelling
usage
 of
water
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, water, kl, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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