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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts show household expenditure across four main areas in the UK, Australia and Japan in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar charts show household expenditure across four main areas in the UK, Australia and Japan in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #show #household #expenditure #four #areas #uk #australia #japan #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of money
that spends
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 by families across
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
four nations in the UK, Australia and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, by looking at the chart we will notice that the highest expenses are for the houses. In comparison
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
clothings
Replace the word
clothes
show examples
 are approximately
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
.
The food
Correct article usage
Food
show examples
 is taking the marked high percentage almost 22% in
Japan
Use synonyms
whilest
Correct your spelling
whilst
while
 the lowest in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 is 14% which is
nearly
Replace the adverb
near
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 15%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
accomidations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
 in the
USA
Use synonyms
 are showing greater expenses up to 26%, in comparison to
Canada
Use synonyms
, UK and
Japan
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 are almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close
Change the noun form
closes
show examples
 to each other 21% and 22%
repsectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, spending on transportation in
canda
Correct your spelling
Canada
, the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
Add a missing verb
is aproximately
show examples
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 in the same range 20%, 17%,
15
Correct word choice
and 15
show examples
% respectively. Health care in all four countries
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 low in spending in comparison to other previous needs. The UK presented the lowest
expnses
Correct your spelling
expenses
 in
this
Linking Words
 domain which is 2%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 , the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 are ranging between 3-6%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the clothing domain
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that the four countries are
alomst
Correct your spelling
almost
 near to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
Submitted by dr.wessam_jamal on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, usa, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditure
  • main areas of spending
  • comparative analysis
  • spending habits
  • economic factors
  • cultural influences
  • social contributions
  • prioritize
  • expenditure differences
  • spending patterns
  • chart analysis
  • aggregate spending
  • allocation of resources
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