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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some peolple work for te same organisation all their working life. Other think that is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give you own oipinion.

#peolple #work #te #organisation #life #organisations #oipinion
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Many people argue
that is
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 better to work for the same
organisation
Use synonyms
 for all their working life and others think the opposite.
Therefore
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, in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I am going to discuss both these views and give my personal opinion. If we choose to stay in the same working area at the same company for our entire lives it has its advantages and disadvantages.
For example
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, in
this
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scenario
Add a comma
scenario,
show examples
 employers will not have to worry about getting used to the new labour atmosphere, and
that is
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 a good thing, because if we are comfortable and we have a good salary, why we should change and start all over again?
Also
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, another benefit of
this
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 option, is that we do not have to worry about being unemployed.
Therefore
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, staying in the same labour area is definitely good if we have a stable job.
However
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, in
this
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 case, we will not have the
chance
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 to live new working experiences, meet other people or learn how to adapt to another place.
On the other hand
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, if we decide to try more than one
organisation
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 we will have the opportunity to learn and experience new situations that could be out of our knowledge.
In addition
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,
this
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 case will give us the
chance
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 to meet new people who can become a big part of our lives.
Nevertheless
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, changing of
organisation
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 or company has its drawbacks, because there is a
chance
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 that we can become unemployees if we do not find a job straight away after leaving the old one, and
this
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 can be very frustrating. In conclusion, after analysing both options
of
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for
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 work life I concluded that it is better to try new jobs
,
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apply
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 because even though staying in the same
organisation
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 our entire lives can sound very
confortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
, we will not have the
chance
Use synonyms
 to have new experiences that, in my opinion, will make us more mature and experienced.
Submitted by samuel.vicuna2003l on

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task response
To enhance Task Response, include more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the advantages or disadvantages of the different working scenarios. This can strengthen your argument and add depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, consider using more transition phrases or linking words between paragraphs and ideas. This would ensure a smoother flow of ideas, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
You have provided a balanced view of both sides of the discussion, which addresses the prompt well. Including an introduction and a conclusion strengthens your essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This provides coherence and helps convey your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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