The internet is a great invention that brings a host of advantages for the world population. However, there are several issues in terms of security and control of personal data. Do you agree or disagree with this?

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In
this
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era
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era,
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evryone
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everyone
would believe that
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internet
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the internet
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is the greatest invention. But in regards
with
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to
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keeping personal data and
security
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security,
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there are some concerns. I agree with
this
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issue because there are matters that
needs
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need
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privacy
specially
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especially
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our personal details. Nowadays,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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in
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is
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widely
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use
Wrong verb form
used
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in universities, offices and for individual
use
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. Students made learning effortless and convenient. Workplace
aand
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and
occupation brought high demand in
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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as information can be checked easily.
Most
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The most
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significant
use
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of
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internet
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the internet
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are
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is
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Social Media and Email.
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This
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These
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are the major
thing
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things
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that one uses after logging on
the
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to the
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internet
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.
However
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,
while
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using the
internet
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files and
datas
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data
can be transferred or hacked.
For example
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, when we post any information on the
internet
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anyone can take that information
can be
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to
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use
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without our consent. Hacking
also
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is now happening worldwide.
Although
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the government agencies worldwide create laws regarding
this
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hackers are still there and can not be captured by the authorities. In conclusion,
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internet
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the internet
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is useful for everyone but there are
possible
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possibility
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that someone might get hold
our
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of our
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personal
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data
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date
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data
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thus
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,
internet
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users must be very careful

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task achievement
Expand on examples related to both security and the benefits of the internet. This will provide a more balanced discussion.
language accuracy
Avoid minor spelling errors like 'evryone' and 'This are.' These inaccuracies can be confusing for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical transitions between ideas. Words like 'therefore,' 'in addition,' or 'however' can enhance coherence.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, giving a comprehensive overview of the topic.
task response
You discuss relevant issues like personal data security and internet usage, which are fitting for the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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