People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungie jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. Do you agree or disagree?

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A handful of
people
Use synonyms
ponder that those individuals who do jeopardy
sports
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such
Linking Words
as scuba diving and bungee jumping should be the ones responsible for their own
lives
Use synonyms
and the rescue team should stay away and avoid risking their own
lives
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to save other folks. I am in consummate accord with
this
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notion and will explicate my viewpoint in forthcoming paragraphs. The predominant justification to support my point is that in
this
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cutting-edge era,
people
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love to do adventurous activities for which they take risks in their own
lives
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.
In other words
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, physical
sports
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such
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as bungee jumping and scuba diving are
life-threating
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
activities which can kill an individual.
For example
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, in India,
according to
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one news, there were more than 10
people
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who lost their
lives
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by doing
bungie
Correct your spelling
bungee
jumping in 2023.
As a result
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, Hazardous
sports
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should be banned by the authorities. Moving
further
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, another main factor is that these kinds of detrimental
sports
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can traumatize
people
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. To be more precise, folks usually do dangerous
sports
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to overcome their fairs but mostly end up getting a
life-threating
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
trauma which can put a paradigm shift on their mental health.
For example
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, one of my friends went
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scuba diving to feel
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fair but she ended up hospitalized and mentally cracked up her health.
Consequently
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,
people
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should avoid taking risks in their
lives
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because a good life is a boon for us. The compendium, without any doubt,
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clearly
seen
Verb problem
shows
show examples
that folks should not take part in
sports
Use synonyms
that can kill and shatter them for a lifetime.
Submitted by harmanpreet021804 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay. Organize your points and ideas to ensure they connect smoothly from one to the next, which enhances clarity and readability.
task achievement
Expand on your arguments with more detailed analysis and reasoning. Providing deeper insights will strengthen your task response and overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction that states your position effectively, and a conclusion that summarizes your points.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This helps in making your points more tangible and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-risk sports
  • unnecessary danger
  • rescue operations
  • society's duty
  • distress
  • thorough training
  • deter
  • adventure sports industry
  • guidelines and regulations
  • mandatory insurance
  • safety measures
  • technological advancements
  • efficiency of rescue operations
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