IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #job #person #time #australia #addresses #sir #madam
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter in response to an advertisement, published
last
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 week in one of the leading Australian family magazines, where you asked for a
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 live-in caregiver for your six-year-old
child
Use synonyms
. I have
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 to take the best
care
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 of your
child
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, and I would like to take the job. I am confident that I would be able to render a great service in taking
care
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 of your
child
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 since I have had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good experience in raising a couple of younger siblings as the eldest
child
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 of my family.
Besides
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, I love children since I consider them as a bundle of joy, and
that is
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 why I took
care
Use synonyms
 of some young children as a babysitter in my hometown. In fact, I find children so special that I have taken a short online course on parenting so that I could relate to them in a better way. By the way, I recently came to visit Australia from my home country at the invitation of my uncle in order to live with him for the next six months or so. And,
while
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 I am in Australia, I would
also
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 love to explore
this
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 beautiful country and learn about the lifestyles and culture of its people
in addition
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 to taking
care
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 of your
child
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 should you choose to offer me the job. Yours faithfully, Daria Olga
Submitted by bhat.shweta17 on

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task achievement
Consider adding a bit more detail about your specific experiences or skills relevant to child caregiving, such as specific tasks you have performed or any certifications you may hold.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is clearly focused on a single point. While the letter is very coherent, each paragraph should tightly center around one main idea without blending into others.
task achievement
The letter maintains a polite and friendly tone throughout, which is highly suitable for this type of correspondence.
coherence cohesion
The letter is well-structured, beginning with an appropriate greeting and closing with "Yours faithfully," which matches the formal tone.
task achievement
Each part of the prompt is addressed, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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