IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and not with a secondary education as they in any case will not get a job in the future. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #countries #level #unemployment #education #case #job #future
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Some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 from low-level employment should be offered only primary education rather than secondary education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 will be less probability for them to find a job in future. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I would like to continue with my belief that, every child should get a higher level of education as much as possible in their desired field of study.
Thus
Linking Words
 there could be people from
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and economies could contribute to the nation by proposing new business models and ideas,
As a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 those business people could bring high investments to contribute to the economy and high employment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Students
Use synonyms
 from advanced computer science and technologies
also
Linking Words
 contribute to developing new futuristic technology like blue chips, AI,
blockchain
Correct word choice
and blockchain
show examples
 crypto et which leads to more economic development in the country.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there is less probability of getting those bright
students
Use synonyms
, but the government should focus on finding gem
students
Use synonyms
 by developing good and practical-oriented learning which will give the nation good leaders and technicians.
Submitted by jarsham5 on

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introduction conclusion
Try to provide a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay. This will help frame your arguments and summarize your points effectively.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples or arguments. This will strengthen the logical structure of your essay.
supported main points
Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments. This will help support your main points and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a response that challenges the initial statement, advocating for secondary education.
coherence cohesion
You have presented your arguments logically, focusing on the benefits of higher education and its impact on economic development.
task achievement
The essay proposes contributions in business and technology as reasons for supporting secondary education, highlighting key areas for potential growth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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