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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in the proportion of energy produced from different resources in a country in 1985 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in the proportion of energy produced from different resources in a country in 1985 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
#show #changes #proportion #energy #resources #country #information #features #comparison
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The two pie charts illustrate the percentages of
energy
Use synonyms
 produced from different
resources
Use synonyms
 categorized into 6 groups,
Oil
Use synonyms
, Natural gas, Coal, Nuclear, Hydro and Other renewable
resources
Use synonyms
, in two years 1985 and 2003 in a country.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first glance, it becomes clear that,
while
Linking Words
 the most significant segment of
resources
Use synonyms
 produced
energy
Use synonyms
 allocated to
Oil
Use synonyms
, in both years,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small proportion of
resources
Use synonyms
 was related to other renewable
resources
Use synonyms
 in 1985 and 2003.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1985,
although
Linking Words
 52
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
Oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
 to
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
, only 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of other renewable
resources
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 way.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 nearly a quarter of Nuclear
resources
Use synonyms
dedicated
Add a missing verb
were dedicated
show examples
 to
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of
enery
Correct your spelling
energy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year, it decreased significantly, reaching 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2003. It is noticeable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the proportion of Hydro
resources
Use synonyms
 remained steady during
this
Linking Words
 period, at 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in 2003,
Oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 and Nutrual gas used 39 and 23
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
resources
Use synonyms
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of Coal
resources
Use synonyms
 in 1985 was 8 %,
increased
Correct pronoun usage
which increased
show examples
 dramatically, by almost a threefold increase, reaching 22
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2003.
Additionally
Linking Words
, both Hydro and other renewable used only 4 % of their
resources
Use synonyms
 in order to produce
energy
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, resources, oil, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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