IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #five #european #countries #unemployment #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts illustrate the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in several countries in Europe in 2005,
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
 of Poland, Italy, Hungary, Germany, and Denmark.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar charts differentiated 2 types of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 which were from whose age 15 to 24 years old and general unemployed
people
Use synonyms
. The
rate
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
, aged from 15 to 24 years old,
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
. The highest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
unployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 in 2 categories
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in Poland
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 young
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
enployment
Correct your spelling
employment
unemployment
 was over 30
percent
Use synonyms
 and general adults was
also
Linking Words
 close to 30
percent
Use synonyms
,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to Denmark
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 had the lowest
numer
Correct your spelling
number
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have
occupation
Add an article
an occupation
show examples
, the amount of
youg
Correct your spelling
young
people
Use synonyms
 was only slightly over 10
percent
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 unemplyed
people
Use synonyms
 was under 10
percent
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Italy and Hungary had almost the same number of the difference
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
 between young
people
Use synonyms
 and adults.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Germany had the smallest difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
unployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
employment
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 in these 2 types of
people
Use synonyms
 who had no occupation.
Submitted by panida.phran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, unemployment, people, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • youth unemployment
  • overall unemployment
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • aged between
  • economic conditions
  • educational system
  • vocational training
  • long-term impacts
  • policy changes
  • job training programs
  • disparity
  • national unemployment rates
  • European countries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: