Some people think that companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions?
For other people, they suggested
to hire
applicants who are into higher Change the verb form
hiring
salary
so they can perform their Use synonyms
job
well. In Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
essay
I will tackle the reasons and my opinion about it.
Add a comma
essay,
First,
recruiting applicants who Linking Words
wants
a higher Change the verb form
want
salary
or Use synonyms
eager
for money is a good sign for the Add a missing verb
are eager
job
that they are applyingUse synonyms
.
For Change preposition
for.
the
reason, it gives motivation for the individual to work hard and dedicate their loyalty to the company. Correct determiner usage
this
Everyone
of us Replace the word
Every one
need
a higher income, so we can provide for our family and buy the things that we need in daily life. Change the verb form
needs
Thus
, being hungry for money is not a bad thing because it gives people Linking Words
the
comfortable life. Correct article usage
a
For instance
, having a higher Linking Words
salary
you can make all your dreams come true, Use synonyms
buying
a house, Wrong verb form
buy
car
, and Correct word choice
or car
goes
to other countries that you really want. Correct subject-verb agreement
go
Furthermore
, it can Linking Words
make
you Verb problem
give
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
financial freedom in the future.
Remove the article
apply
Therefore
, I believe that people are working just to earn money, Linking Words
having
a Correct word choice
and having
good paying
Add a hyphen
good-paying
job
makes a person Use synonyms
to
strive and improve their skills more. Change the verb form
apply
Furthermore
, if the company offer Linking Words
big
amount of payment the applicant will do their best to fit Correct word choice
a large
in
the Change preposition
into
job
role. Use synonyms
Which we
all know thatCorrect pronoun usage
We
,
competition is really a big deal Remove the comma
apply
for
finding a Change preposition
in
job
.
Looking for a qualified applicant who should be in a Use synonyms
sale
position, that person should be Fix the agreement mistake
sales
trust worthy
and know how to handle Correct your spelling
trustworthy
situation
when talking to Fix the agreement mistake
situations
client
. Fix the agreement mistake
clients
In addition
to that, the Linking Words
sale person
must have a long patience to achieve their Correct your spelling
salesperson
comission
.
Correct your spelling
commission
mission
To conclude
, Linking Words
the
companies should hire applicants who have a strong motivation towards work, Correct article usage
apply
self-reliant
, and Add a missing verb
are self-reliant
trust worthy
Correct your spelling
trustworthy
wether
the Correct your spelling
whether
salary
is big or not.Use synonyms
Submitted by chesleykerserarellano on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are directly linked to the essay question. Introduce and conclude with clear statements summarizing your position.
coherence cohesion
Try to build a more logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with strong transitions.
task achievement
Expand more on specific examples to support your points further, ensuring they are directly tied to the argument made in each paragraph.
task achievement
You provide clear reasons to support your opinion on why those eager for money might be excellent recruits.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with a clear summary of your arguments and opinion, providing a good sense of closure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.