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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in management in five countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. (Trần Huy)

The table below shows the proportion of women in the labor force and women in management in five countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. (Trần Huy)
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The table below shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 in five countries.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 in Australia is 42% and the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 in Australia is 43%, the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 is not too much only 1%.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 in Egypt is 20%,
although
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 in Egypt is just 12%.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, in
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
 the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 is 42%,
while
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
management
Use synonyms
 in
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
 is 9%, the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 is
seriously
Replace the adverb
serious
show examples
. Japan is
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
 next to
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 is 48% and the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 is 17%, the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in Japan is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 with
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States is 46% and the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States is 43%, the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 is not a big problem.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
force
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
management
Use synonyms
 in five countries is not too much, except
Use synonyms
Sri
Change preposition
in Sri
show examples
Lanka
Use synonyms
 and Japan.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words force, women, management, percent, labour, sri, lanka with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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