IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #workers #work #home #hours #males #females #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart given illustrates the proportion of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 that
work
Use synonyms
 from
home
Use synonyms
 to save
money
Use synonyms
,to be more productive,or easier childcare.
While
Linking Words
 the table gives information about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 the
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 from
home
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,the main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 for working from
home
Use synonyms
 for both
males
Use synonyms
 and
femals
Correct your spelling
females
 was to save
money
Use synonyms
.The only time that
females
Use synonyms
 exceeded
Males
Use synonyms
 was that
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 easier childcare.
While
Linking Words
 being more productive accounted for the least proportion of
females
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 tended to
work
Use synonyms
 more under 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per week
whereas
Linking Words
 the
males
Use synonyms
 was over 30
hours
Use synonyms
.The
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number of
hours
Use synonyms
 for
females
Use synonyms
 was over 30
whereas
Linking Words
 for
males
Use synonyms
 it was under. 10. In 2019,more
males
Use synonyms
 worked remotely to save
money
Use synonyms
 and to be more productive than women,where it was 45% and 24%, respectively.
whereas
Linking Words
 the rate of ladies working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the comfort of their homes to save
money
Use synonyms
 was 42%,
while
Linking Words
 11% was intentioned to be more productive.
However
Linking Words
 ,the rate of
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 was higher compared to
men
Use synonyms
 only because
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 easier for them as mothers to take care of their children.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the table shows that the majority of the
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
 (74%)
work
Use synonyms
 for less than 10
hours
Use synonyms
 from
home
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
accounted
Wrong verb form
account
show examples
 for 3%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 tend to spend over 30
hours
Use synonyms
 per week,as only 6%
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
while
Linking Words
 81%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
men
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for over 30
hours
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,more women than
men
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for 10 to 30
hours
Use synonyms
,where the percentage of women
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 22%,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 were 16%.
Submitted by muneeraalnoaimi07 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, work, home, money, hours, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Diagrams
  • Main reasons
  • Work from home
  • Hourly comparison
  • Flexibility
  • Productivity
  • Comfort
  • Work-life balance
  • Percentage
  • Trend
  • Observation
  • Significant
  • Average hours
  • Specific data points
  • Patterns
  • Noticeable differences
  • Summarise
  • Features
  • Comparisons
  • Relevant
  • Gender-based analysis
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