IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts provide key information about the
employment
Use synonyms
 in UK classified by gender and type of
work
Use synonyms
. The units are measured by the number of
employees
Use synonyms
 in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the charts that the majority of
employment
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 were for men who have
a full-time
Correct the article-noun agreement
a full-time job
full-time jobs
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 1988
women
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 getting
opportunities
Use synonyms
 more than
women
Use synonyms
 who
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 full-time
jobs
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2012
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 who performed full-time
work
Use synonyms
are having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 more
opportunities
Use synonyms
 than part-time
workers
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in 1988, more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of UK male
employees
Use synonyms
 are working as full-time with a total of 13,794 employers,
however
Linking Words
, nearly
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 fifth of the
workers
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 that
perform
Wrong verb form
performed
show examples
 full-time
jobs
Use synonyms
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 4482 females.
Additionally
Linking Words
, only 6% of the total population are males with full-time
jobs
Use synonyms
 as they reached 1550
workers
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, around 20% of the
employment
Use synonyms
 chances are for females who
work
Use synonyms
 in part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a total of 5268. In terms of 2012, nearly 50% of the total population are men with a full-time job which is about 13794
employees
Use synonyms
. A quarter of the total
employment
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 are for full-time
women
Use synonyms
workers
Use synonyms
 as they represent 7696
employees
Use synonyms
.
Furthrmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, a fifth of the population which is about 5979
workers
Use synonyms
 are performing part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
, in
constrant
Correct your spelling
contrast
, men who hold full-time
jobs
Use synonyms
 are nearly 2131
workers
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, work, employees, opportunities, jobs, women, workers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rate
  • economic landscape
  • information technology
  • service industry
  • manufacturing
  • agriculture
  • sector shift
  • healthcare sector
  • public administration
  • education sector
  • advancements in technology
  • traditional industries
  • modern sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: