IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in the employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in the employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries
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The given bar charts illustrate the percentages
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of male
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male
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males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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in age
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aged
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from
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apply
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60 to 64 in employment in Australia, Japan, the USA and Belgium. The information is given for the years 1970 and 2000
Overall
Linking Words
, it is immediately apparent that there was a significant inequality in the
percentage
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 of employed
men
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 and
women
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 in 1970 in all countries,
while
Linking Words
, in 2000, the gap between employed
man
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men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 became insignificant. It is
obviously
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obvious
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 that the
percentage
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 of worked
women
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 in Belgium in 1970 is the
least
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lowest
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 number of hired people, it made up only 8%,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
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 of worked
men
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 in
this
Linking Words
 country at the same moment was 79%. Despite the fact that there had been a lot of employed
men
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 in 1970 in Belgium, the figures for 2000 were lower and constituted 19 per cent. The percentages of employed
women
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 in other countries were approximately the same for these two years. In the USA they were 36% and 38%, in Australia these figures accounted
18
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for 18
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% and 19% and in Japan it constituted 43% and 40%, in 1970 and 2000 respectively. It can be clearly seen that the
percentage
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 of worked
men
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 in the USA had been 73% in 1970 and decreased
for
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to
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 18% in 2000.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there were 84 per cent employed male in 1970 in Japan and 76% of employed male in 2000. The figures for Australia make up 74% and 47%, in 1970 and 2000 respectively.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
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