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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The flowchart provides key information about the manufacturing process of
fish
Use synonyms
 pies.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the chart that freezing
fish
Use synonyms
 pies is a multi-stage operation that requires several
steps
Use synonyms
, starting from preparing
fish
Use synonyms
 and vegetables,
ending
Correct word choice
and ending
show examples
 with freezing and storing.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the initial
steps
Use synonyms
 consist of two groups preparing vegetables and
fish
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the final
steps
Use synonyms
 are
wraping
Correct your spelling
wrapping
, freezing and storing.
According to
Linking Words
 the first
steps
Use synonyms
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
they started by cleaning potatoes and peeling the skin
as well as
Linking Words
 slicing and boiling potatoes.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they added
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lemon juice and salt to a fresh salmon. Prior to removing skin and bones from the
salmon
Add a comma
salmon,
show examples
 they exposed it to a steam oven. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they started to prepare peas and sauce and they
subsequently
Linking Words
 added potatoes. In terms of the final
steps
Use synonyms
, they allocated an employee
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 specialized in wrapping the dish. After that the freezing phase got started,
Additionally
Linking Words
, they stored the dish for less than 12 hours. peeling

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, steps with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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