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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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A provided bar chart shows the total spare time amongst boys and girls with different employment statuses between 1998 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 no
men
Use synonyms
 worked part-time or as housewives.
Additionally
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, unemployed and retired individuals of both genders had more free time than other categories. To start,
men
Use synonyms
 in full-time employment had 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of
leisure
Use synonyms
 per week, noticeably higher than their female counterparts, who enjoyed just under 40
hours
Use synonyms
. Only
women
Use synonyms
 were represented in part-time employment, enjoying about 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of
leisure
Use synonyms
 weekly, suggesting a significant difference compared to
men
Use synonyms
 who had no representative. For Unemployment and Retirement,
men
Use synonyms
 in these categories had around 85
hours
Use synonyms
 of
leisure
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 had slightly less at around 80
hours
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 gap remains consistent between these two groups.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Women
Use synonyms
 who are housewives had around 50
hours
Use synonyms
 of
leisure
Use synonyms
 weekly. There are no corresponding data points for
men
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 category, indicating it is exclusively reported for
women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by azami06mufa on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, hours, leisure, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time employment
  • part-time employment
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • housewives
  • gender comparison
  • notable differences
  • allocate time
  • trend analysis
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • societal norms
  • economic factors
  • gender-specific trends
  • employment transition
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