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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows the employment of students from four countries in the UK after their first courses in 2001.

The table shows the employment of students from four countries in the UK after their first courses in 2001.
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The table details the type of
employment
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according to
Linking Words
 four countries in the UK after a
first degree
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first-degree
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 course in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that
students
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 in Scotland were most likely to be permanently employed, followed by England and Wales.
Students
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 in
Northen
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Northern
 Ireland were least likely to find
employment
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. In Scotland, the
figure
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 for permanent
employment
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 constituted 43.6% which was
the
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apply
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double that of temporary
employment
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 (20.2%). Overseas
employment
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 was at
marginal
Correct article usage
a marginal
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 2.6%. Only 33% of English
students
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 were able to find a permanent job,23% a temporary and 2,3% an overseas. The index for their total
employment
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 constituted 58,3% which was the second before total
employment
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 in Scotland. As for the remaining countries, the number of permanent
students
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 in Wales was at 30% which is
the
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apply
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triple
of
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apply
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that of the
figure
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 for temporary jobs (12.4%). Overseas
employment
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 was at only 2.9%. The
overall
Linking Words
employment
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 in Wales was 45.3%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Northern Ireland showed the smallest percentage of permanent occupation at 20%, the
figure
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 for temporary was
at
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a
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 mere 8.6%. Surprisingly, the
figure
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 for overseas
employment
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 was the highest in
Northen
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Northern
 Ireland was the highest. The total
employment
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 constituted 33,6% which was the lowest of all.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, students, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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