IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart above illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of age groups
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who did physical activity
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar chart proves that
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 are most likely to done
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
constant physical activity back in 2010. The majority held by those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 45 to 54 at approximately 53 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and
men
Use synonyms
 aged 35 to 44
detained
Add a missing verb
were detained
show examples
 the least at a little below 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of
women
Use synonyms
, the lowest is held by those who
aged
Add a missing verb
are aged
show examples
 over 65 at 47 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 followed by those who
aged
Add a missing verb
are aged
show examples
 around 15 to 24 at 48 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, it is continued by 25 to 34 aged
women
Use synonyms
 at 49 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The same amount happened to those
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 35 to 44, and 55 to 64 at 52 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the highest amount is
women
Use synonyms
 with
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
ranged
Wrong verb form
ranging
show examples
 from 45 to 54. On the other side,
men
Use synonyms
 who are most likely to do physical activity regularly
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 those who
aged
Add a missing verb
are aged
show examples
 around 15 to 25 at 53 per
cent
Use synonyms
, followed by those over 65
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place at 46 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 aged 55 to 64 at 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
, followed by the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 45 to 54, 25 to 34, and
lastly
Linking Words
 35 to 54 at 43 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 42 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and 39 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by iigness05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participation
  • Age group
  • Trend
  • Significant
  • Notable
  • Gender gap
  • Comparative analysis
  • Consistent
  • Decline
  • Progressive
  • Conversely
  • Motivations
  • Barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: