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Writing Samples
Band 3

The part chart below shows the percentage of Australian main and women in different age group who did regular exercise in 2010 Summarized information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make the comparison were relevant

The part chart below shows the percentage of Australian main and women in different age group who did regular exercise in 2010 Summarized information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make the comparison were relevant
#part #percentage #australian #women #age #group #exercise #information #feature #comparison
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The data in
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 graph demonstrate the portion of men and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 of different
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
groups doing exercise on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
engage in fitness activities more in comparison to women of whatever the
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
group is.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, from the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 15 till 65 and over male
embalment
Correct your spelling
embalmment
embayment
 in physical activity was high in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages and the highest being at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 with a
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of 53.3.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, girls are
lays
Correct your spelling
less
show examples
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
show examples
 in fitness activities in comparison to
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 participation was the highest in fitness whose
age
Use synonyms
 was 15 to 24
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is 52.8% throughout their
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There is fluctuation among the
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 done by a female up to the is of 65 and over that
age
Use synonyms
Submitted by anjubashyal39 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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