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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.
#bar #percentage #two #television #programmes #reality #game #males #females #age #groups #australia
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The first bar
chart
Use synonyms
 above illustrates the percentage of
Australians
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 watching
reality
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show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 distinguished by their genders and various age groups.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the second
chart
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 presents the same information for game shows.
Overall
Linking Words
, most female
Australians
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 are the most likely to watch
reality
Use synonyms
 shows.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 those aged above 45 are using their free time to watch game shows. To start with, the percentage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 female
Australians
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 watching
reality
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 shows remains the highest
number
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 in the first
chart
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 at 70 per
cent
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.
The similar
Correct article usage
Similar
show examples
 things happen to
Australians
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 aged above 45 and in the range of 35 to 44. Making it the second and third highest
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 at 68 per
cent
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, and 67 per
cent
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. The percentage for 16 to
44 years old
Correct your spelling
44-year-old
reality
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shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 watchers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 just 60 per
cent
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 and below.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
number
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 male
watcher
Fix the agreement mistake
watchers
show examples
 of
reality
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show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 remains
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 lowest
number
Use synonyms
36
Change preposition
at 36
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In terms of game shows, most of the watchers are aged above 45 at 70 per
cent
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. The
chart
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 proves that the majority of the watchers are males at 61 per
cent
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. Followed by females at 60 per
cent
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. The lowest interest is found in those
with
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 25 to 34 at 38 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by iigness05 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, australians, reality, number, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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