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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph illustrates the average percentages of jobless
people
Use synonyms
 (15 to 24 years old) and the
overall
Linking Words
 unemployed in Poland, Italy, Hungary, Germany, and Denmark in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Poland had the highest number of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Denmark had the lowest unemployment rate. 33% of
Polands's
Correct your spelling
Poland's
people
Use synonyms
 aged 15 to 24 years old were unemployed,
while
Linking Words
 its
overall
Linking Words
 total of jobless was 28%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, less than 30% of
Italian
Replace the word
Italians
show examples
 and
Hungarian
Replace the word
Hungarians
show examples
 ages 15 to 24 years old were idle,
while
Linking Words
 the total unemployment of these countries
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 less than 20%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the total percentages of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 and
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Germany were almost
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same figure at about 22%.
In addition
Linking Words
, Denmark's unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 were 12% and the
overall
Linking Words
 jobless rating was very low at around 8%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • youth unemployment
  • overall unemployment
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • aged between
  • economic conditions
  • educational system
  • vocational training
  • long-term impacts
  • policy changes
  • job training programs
  • disparity
  • national unemployment rates
  • European countries
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