IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

21. Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates ave led some people to say that univercities should not teach arts subjects like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximum use chances of employment agree or disagree?

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Rising university fees and
scare
Correct your spelling
scarce
show examples
 employment perspectives for students are concerned by some people that art subjects like philosophy and history should be over. Universities should only offer practical
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 that can increase a chance of employment. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. The reasons and examples will be
dicussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 below.
First,
Linking Words
one of the most common reasons that
arts
Use synonyms
majors
Use synonyms
 should not be taught anymore is
less
Correct word choice
that fewer
show examples
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 available for those graduating in
arts
Use synonyms
majors
Use synonyms
 compared to those finishing
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other degrees
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
siginificantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
.
For example
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,
New
Correct article usage
a New
show examples
 York Times poll revealed that 80 per cent of Philosophy students at Columbia University were unemployed as soon as they graduated
due to
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 a few needs in hiring compared to the demand for getting a job.
Moreover
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, To be successful in these career paths, Most
arts
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 scholars have to apply the post
graduation
Correct your spelling
post-graduation
show examples
 courses to be outstanding and increase the opportunity to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work which takes a lot of years,
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 and money to graduate
another
Change preposition
with another
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 specific
degree
Use synonyms
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 it is true that
this
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 field is less required than others. Every
careers
Change to a singular noun
career
show examples
 has its own purpose to fill a blank in a
socity
Correct your spelling
society
. Without learning about philosophy or history, there would have been no social improvements nowadays.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, as long as people still
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
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attention to
apply
Wrong verb form
applying to
show examples
 these
majors
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, it can make a profit
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 universities.
Hence
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, closing the
arts
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majors
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 is not the only solution to deal with these concerns. To
examplified
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explain
, BBC News reported that 70 per cent of
foregin
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foreign
 students in British learnt culture and
languague
Correct your spelling
language
majors
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as
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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master
Change noun form
master's
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degree
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for supporting
Change preposition
to support
show examples
 their jobs in their
stated
Replace the word
states
show examples
 because a global certificate
suppot thier
Correct your spelling
supports their
 resume
excellent
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
To conclude
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, increasing universities' fees and lack of
employments problem
Fix the agreement mistake
employment problems
show examples
 in
arts
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 learners make some individuals believe that
arts
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majors
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 should
not be
Verb problem
no
show examples
 longer
existed
Wrong verb form
exist
show examples
 and a campus ought to provide only benefit degrees in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life. Even if
this
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 facts are true that
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this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
majors
Use synonyms
 are less wanted
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 compared to other degrees and the scholars need to put
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
to get
Change preposition
into getting
show examples
 other certifications which require a lot of money and time
consuming
Verb problem
time-consuming
show examples
,
arts
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majors
Use synonyms
 have
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own roles
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a creativity and are still feasible to gain a profit from those intersting in
this
Linking Words
 kinds of fields.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your argument is consistently clear throughout. At times, the essay shifts focus, which can confuse the reader. Try to maintain a consistent argument from start to finish.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Use clear linking words and signposts to guide the reader from one point to the next.
task achievement
Address both sides of the issue more evenly to show a balanced understanding. Currently, the essay leans more toward one side without fully exploring the counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
A well-structured introduction and conclusion, which appropriately frame the discussion.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the New York Times poll and BBC News report, to support your points. These add credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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